yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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