They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
