Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
