question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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