I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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