I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
