And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
