my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
