you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
