You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
