Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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