The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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