I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
