well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?