I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize