Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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