One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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