return my video game
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
