she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
