Michael Bay diarrhea
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
