Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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