Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
