So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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