you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
