so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
