He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
