I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
