we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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