that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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