At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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