So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
