I hope mine doesn't look like that
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
