im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
