Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
