I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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