I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
