Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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