Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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