mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize