i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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