Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
