Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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