farters have to be the big spoon...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
