You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
