I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..