talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
