i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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