In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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