we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
