i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
