ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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