the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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