Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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