You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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