Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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