omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
