Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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