just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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