somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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