So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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