he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
