I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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