awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
