Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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