just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
