so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
