If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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