just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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