I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
