A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
