Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can I color on your dick again?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
