I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
