from now on my penis is your penis
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
