Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
