Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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