So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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