i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
