well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
