What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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