I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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