she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?