I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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