so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.