Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that