Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.